JIM'S JOTTINGS: July 28, 2017

Dunkirk: Last week I mentioned the new film, “Dunkirk.” It is a superb film, probably one of the best films about war ever made. If you go, take earplugs or be prepared to have your fingers in your ears frequently. It is very loud with gunshots, explosions and its music score, which is very moving. It is NOT gory, but, as it moves back and forward in time, it tells the story of how the thousands of trapped British troops were rescued by a fleet of small boats that crossed the English Channel to pick up the soldiers in France; it focuses on the personal stories of individuals facing almost certain death. Right now, I’ll bet it will be the front-runner for the Best Picture Oscar.

When [my mother] was dying, talking to me, she said: “Always try and be kind and nice to people. And if you do that, somebody will always speak up for you.” And I’ve found that to be a fact. They really do. [Musician B. B. King]

Nothing depresses me anymore. For a while, in your life you worry about the passage of time and getting old and…after a while you just say, “My God, does it matter? Get on with it.” [Musician Bobby Short]

That B.B.King quote makes me wonder…how many of us are able to talk with our loved ones, especially parents, that are near the end of life, tell them how much they have meant to us, how grateful we are for their lives, and perhaps even forgive them for perceived shortcomings. I wasn’t able to do that with my mother who was just plain afraid. She had several smoking-related diseases and no chance of survival at the relatively young age of 62. When I did grieve for her years later, at a men’s retreat, I was raging mad at the tobacco companies that had poisoned her and I was mad at her for leaving me too soon and for not being strong enough to quit smoking. But at her bedside, the last time I saw her, it was platitudes and best wishes for a recovery neither of us knew was coming. I still regret not being able to share some honest thoughts with her. My dad, on the other hand, is Mr. Reality. We have had wonderful talks about The End and what it all means. We have remembered for one another all the good times and challenges and laughed at the mistakes we’ve both made. We both feel just fine about parting, once the moment arrives, because we’ve made peace with our life together.

My advice, for what it’s worth? Please find ways to talk with your kids or parents or loved ones before it’s too late. Write them a letter if that’s easier for you—that’s how I started the talk with my dad. And wouldn’t it be nice for your own children, if you wrote down your stories to leave to them, something they will likely treasure. If you have regrets, forgiveness is a powerful healer. Remember that poem: “How do I love thee, let me count the ways…”

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1806 - 1861

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Go make your own list now, and have a splendidly fine weekend!

Jim Held, Just Me!